I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If you were an animal, what would you be?" I wrote, "A bumblebee trying to fuck a marble.” — Wells Tower Copy Share Image
“I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!” — C.C. Alma Copy Share Image
“The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.” — Joyce Rachelle Copy Share Image
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
“White? That's good. virginal. He'll be reminded this is a first for you and hopefully won't just impale you on his pork… — Carmen Jenner Copy Share Image
I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum. — Hillary Clinton Copy Share Image
I've heard Eric Clapner, ... I think it was a wonderful thing that Eric Clapner the musician did...So I think that's the… — Joycelyn Elders Copy Share Image
“I decided right then and there to make a snickerdoodle perfume to wear, so that one day he would sniff me like… — Jessica Verday Copy Share Image
... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
If you are watching my films and wondering, am I missing humorous speak because I'm not Korean? Am I missing out? You… — Park Chan-wook Copy Share Image
“Although they probably know that some children were used and some children are used as miners, most adults are ignorant of the… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I'm going to use them to track him down and thwart him." "Thwart?" Sarissa asked. "Thwart." I said. "To prevent someone from… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
“The photographer was lost for riposte, obvious though it should have been; instead he turned to run. At least his mind did.… — James Herbert Copy Share Image
America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Allan praised Herbert for a job well done and for acting the part well. Herbert blushed, while dismissing the praise, saying that… — Jonasson, Jonas Copy Share Image
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Close friends and relatives, while not meaning to do so, often handicap on through 'opinions' and sometimes though ridicule, which is meant… — Napoleon Hill Copy Share Image
“Kissing Red must've killed off some of your brain cells," Ryder decided. "You can tell a woman what to do---if you play… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't. — Ernest Rutherford Copy Share Image
“Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid.” — Nicole Christie Copy Share Image
“From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?" "First I need a virgin.” — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function. — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I admire that about the Republicans: The evidence does not faze them. They are not bothered at all by the facts. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
“Love may be on the horizon, but beware something wicked this way comes.” — Wilkie Martin Copy Share Image
“Unfortunately...I missed out on the California Gold Rush a century before...I'll be dammed if I miss out on this one.” — Timothy Pina Copy Share Image
A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
