Carl Hiaasen

“Not my circus, not my monkey.” Yancy”

— Carl Hiaasen

Disney world is an armpit,compared to Montana!!

— Carl Hiaasen

One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb.

— Carl Hiaasen

“Remember what happened last time with the 'cuda.”

— Carl Hiaasen

“If anything is more irresistible than Jesus, it's Mickey.”

— Carl Hiaasen

and in the meantime don't jump to conclusions.

— Carl Hiaasen

The greatest sin for a writer is to be boring.

— Carl Hiaasen

“Whatever happens, I’m glad we ate that bleeping lizard.”

— Carl Hiaasen

That's what people do when they find a special place that wild and full of life, they trample it to death.

— Carl Hiaasen

“In his own mind, it was never a matter of courage. But courage it was.”

— Carl Hiaasen

“The dog proved to be as dumb and stubborn as a mud fence, so Stranahan had named him Strom.”

— Carl Hiaasen

Informed opponents of Obama's healthcare initiative have expressed dismay at the low level of discourse.

— Carl Hiaasen

I've never progressed very far from my days as a smart aleck in middle school.

— Carl Hiaasen

Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.

— Carl Hiaasen

Unfortunately for novelists, real life is getting way too funny and far-fetched.

— Carl Hiaasen

“Martin Trebeaux had purchased a fleet of marine barges using the proceeds from a poshly falsified BP oil-spill claim.”

— Carl Hiaasen

“But Erin let it slide. The child was only four years old; she had a whole lifetime to learn about sadness. Today…

— Carl Hiaasen

The TV commercials, which are endless and fairly crass, gave birth to Brock, the bad-lawyer character in Razor Girl. In real life…

— Carl Hiaasen

Sure, I'll have characters drop in and out of books but the main cast of characters always changes. Maybe I'm wrong but…

— Carl Hiaasen

Mrs. Bonneville never buckled her seat belt, even though it was required by state law; an ardent libertarian, she opposed government meddling…

— Carl Hiaasen

I don't have an e-reader. One reason is that I like to dog-ear the page when I find a particularly good sentence…

— Carl Hiaasen

There's so much hate that we direct externally that we forget we have our own psychos. But that's the role of the…

— Carl Hiaasen

My driving record is not exemplary, but I have never had a speeding ticket over 100 m.p.h. I can say that unequivocally.

— Carl Hiaasen

I was born and raised here [in Florida], so I still have tremendous affection for the state - especially the few wild…

— Carl Hiaasen

“Only because you’re injured,” she said, and kissed him again. He pulled her close. “How’s this going to work with all these…

— Carl Hiaasen

“Please don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's…

— Carl Hiaasen

That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by…

— Carl Hiaasen

“It occurred to Yancy that, in the time they’d known each other, he hadn’t once seen her look at her cell phone.…

— Carl Hiaasen

Y'see, I get so bored so easily. I like to start with a clean slate each time. Sure, I'll have characters drop…

— Carl Hiaasen

To me, the newspaper business was a way to learn about life and how things worked in the real world and how…

— Carl Hiaasen

That dreadful alligator attack in Orlando would never have happened if Disney had put up real warning signs, like other Florida resorts…

— Carl Hiaasen

I think in the old days, the nexus of weirdness ran through Southern California, and to a degree New York City. I…

— Carl Hiaasen

“From the pocket of her windbreaker he extracted what he falsely believed to be a portable marine radio, which along with two…

— Carl Hiaasen

“Garrett said, “Dude, here’s the killer—Dana told ’em he was you!” “Oh, nice.” “What a butthead, huh?” “And they probably believed him,”…

— Carl Hiaasen

I'd always wanted to write books ever since I was a kid,

— Carl Hiaasen

Hey. Sometimes to conclusions.

— Carl Hiaasen

I won't be making any friends in the corporate suites.

— Carl Hiaasen

“A quick puke, two rails of blow and she was solid.”

— Carl Hiaasen

“Naw, but I’ve slept through a few. It’s easier than”

— Carl Hiaasen

“Nobody said he was Alvin Einstein.”

— Carl Hiaasen