That one friend that can make anything funny just by the way they say it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone says something super funny and you react 2 minutes later — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My definition of insanity is doing you over and over again and expecting to have an orgasm. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hitting your hip on the corner ofthe counter and feeling like you just got shot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry the closest your holiday comes to a spiritual figurehead is Adam Sandler — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wouldn't take a bullet for you, because if I have time to jump in front of the bullet, you have time… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the type of person that tries to make everyone happy, but when I need someone to make me happy, there's no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was little, I used to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in bed. Now, I pass out on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Shut the fudge up. You little asstronaut. What the helicopters are you doing? You son of a batch of cookies!' That's how… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls, Don't worry if you're good looking or not, don't complain ifyou're fat or skinny, don't just focus on your physical appearance,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why am I researching if 1 antique gun should be excluded when my 'client' was caught with 3 other unregistered, newer guns? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girl: ugh my throat really hurts. Boy: I bet your knees do too. Her: What? Boy: What? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got cut off? He's all right now. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Looks like Facebook and myspace got divorced but Facebook got the all the kids :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear student who finished the test in 7 minutes, I HOPE YOU FAIL. Sincerely, still on the 1st question. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear math, grow up and solve your own stupid problems I'm sick and tired of doing it for you! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No matter how many times I sayI hate you, just remember that you're really the only thing holding me together.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Homework: do me, do me, do me, do me, do me Internet: dont listen to that slut — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He or she who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear normal people, I'm not weird, I'm limited edition. Sincerely, lighten up, you only live once. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone keeps telling me the right guy will come around, but I think mine got hit by a bus. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LIKE if you don't care what people think about you because you do what YOU want — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanks for coming in early and staying late because I have kids and you don't. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
