Facebook Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 24

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Something which is called a feast -- unfortunately, sometimes the appetiser is better than the main course;

— Nikhil Saluja

A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how awesome you are at lying to her face.

— Nikhil Saluja

Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to…

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm happy I didn't belong to generation when people used gun powder to grow guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, The one person who in an argument, if you win -- you lose;

— Nikhil Saluja

Broken hearts, love's deceit, pieces fall down to my feet. Broken promises, love's a lie, puddles form from the tears I cry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never use wet wood in your fireplace. Always let weeping logs dry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck?

— Nikhil Saluja

If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to…

— Nikhil Saluja

The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license

— Nikhil Saluja

I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, That ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics;

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't try to please people you'll fail, But you can piss them off and please yourself!

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVER(S), People who never get tired of each other because they are always talking about themselves;

— Nikhil Saluja

Too MANY people ask for the truth, but too FEW can actually handle it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl loves when you go all-in in a poker game. The woman loves when you go all-in in the bedroom.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Something they say is blind -- it's marriage which is the real eye opener;

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are true... when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason I'd ask what happen today, is to steal some ideas to tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

When it comes to sex and phone calls, I have mastered the art of keeping them under a few minutes.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVER(S), A person who could only be more perfect if your partner turned into a pizza at 4:00 am

— Nikhil Saluja

Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and relationships.

— Nikhil Saluja

You Can Waste It Or Use It For Good! What You Do Today Is Important Because You Are Exchanging A Day Of…

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.

— Nikhil Saluja