Facebook Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 26

Pray like it all depends on God, Work like it all depends on you..!

— Nikhil Saluja

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some day, you will trust me again...but for now, I'm sorry that our love had to end.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall?

— Nikhil Saluja

MIRAGE, Another, and probably more precise way, to spell marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

— Nikhil Saluja

These people are harassing me badly, they said they'll cut…… if I don't pay my phone bill on time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? Woman means:We haven't had a fight in a while.

— Nikhil Saluja

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

I usually try not to sound like an idiot but it's really hard because I am an idiot.

— Nikhil Saluja

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing?

— Nikhil Saluja

The blonde was always careful to remove her watch before putting on bug spray because she didn't want it to kill the…

— Nikhil Saluja

If a woman has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette watch out. She's having a terrible day.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets them;

— Nikhil Saluja

There are no relationship problems that can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;

— Nikhil Saluja

They said dress for the job you want not the job you have, so I dressed like Mr India and didn't show…

— Nikhil Saluja

You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, FAITHFUL, That man who is married to a trusting wife (a definition that can be either truthful or cynical)

— Nikhil Saluja

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

— Nikhil Saluja

As the auto mechanic said to the Scoutmaster whose car horn was broken, Beep repaired.

— Nikhil Saluja

For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face.

— Nikhil Saluja

I Followed you, I starred you, I retweeted you, I DM'ed you, I lost you, I blocked you, I never wanna see…

— Nikhil Saluja

Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs!

— Nikhil Saluja

They named it Twitter because Licking each other dirty asses was too long.

— Nikhil Saluja

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce;

— Nikhil Saluja

Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations.

— Nikhil Saluja

Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

— Nikhil Saluja

Why do dogs love their daily walks? They get to check their p-mail!

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, A strange feeling that comes over a man -- when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name;

— Nikhil Saluja

A detective on the drug detail developed seizures. He is a narcoleptic.

— Nikhil Saluja