Love Quote by Jack Handey

“Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?”

Jack Handey

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Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Jack Handey

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I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down…

Jack Handey

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…

Jack Handey

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

Jack Handey

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

Jack Handey

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

Jack Handey

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Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…

Jack Handey

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I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…

Jack Handey

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Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

Jack Handey

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

Jack Handey

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Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

Jack Handey

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When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

Jack Handey

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Whatever meaning 'Annie's Song' had for me on a personal level, there was also a larger context. It could just as easily have been…

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Life is full of change. That's how we learn and grow.

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I need a bath." He chuckled. "You smell of smoke, as do I." The duke turned, leaning heavily on his cane. "Jameson, open the…

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I love going to Columbia, Missouri. That is a really underrated campus. It shocked me when I went there because I really didn't know…

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Life works most perfectly when a reciprocal love relationship is in place between man and God.

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We talk to God--that is prayer; God talks to us--that is inspiration.

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I fell in love with social work, and that was my undoing as a poet.

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You cant be controlling in improv.

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Everyone needs someone to love, and I choose you.

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I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I…

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“To be loved by a man, truly loved, made a woman feel as if she could burst. Of course, Lia was strong and could…

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So when you take those tears, don't look to see I'm alright. ........*Seal - Violet

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Love Quote by Jack Handey

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