Fall Quote by Jack Handey

“If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and let your hostages laugh too, because come on - life is funny.” quote by Jack Handey — Download Open image

“If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and let your hostages laugh too, because come on - life is funny.”

Jack Handey

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Fall Falling down Hostage Laughing Life is Life is fun Life Is Funny Okay Pants Robbing Thinking

More by Jack Handey

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

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I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later on, I went into Mom and Dad's…

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you…

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

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Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!

Jack Handey

I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is…

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Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

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Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

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When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

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Explore all 358 Jack Handey quotes

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Some people still believe you should just fall in line with what's going on - and that's scary. It makes a mockery of freedom…

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Two things revolutionised life: moving to the countryside and falling in love.

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“When you jump, all you're going to do is fall. But leaping? Leaping is when you think there's something on the other side.”

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I understand that it's the music that keeps me alive... That's my lifeblood. And to give that up for, like, the TV, the cars, the houses - that's not the American dream. That's the booby prize, in the end. Those are the booby prizes. And if you fall for them - if, when you achieve them, you believe that this…

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To hurry through the rise and fall of a fine, full sentence is like defying the role of time in human life.

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Many Republicans have always reminded me of professional WWF wrestlers. They come into the ring all pumped up and acting like they're invincible and…

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“We will all, at some point in our lives, fall. Every single one of us. We shouldn't spend our time trying to avoid falling.…

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I am attracted to looking at the different things language can mean even in one sometimes quite ordinary utterance. Writing is partly about listening closely to yourself as you think or compose and being aware of the different tensions and weights among the words, the different directions any one of them could lead. I like to play with the multiplicity…

Rae Armantrout