Bottles Quote by Jack Handey

“If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at the wheel is Captain Termite.”

Jack Handey

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Bottles Captains Deep thought Heart Looks Ships Wheels

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Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

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Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…

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I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…

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Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

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Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

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When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

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I knew exactly what I was doing. You can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.

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This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and once in…

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There's nothing better than having a bottle of beer in your hand in the waves.

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Rita folded her arms around herself and peered up at me. “If you’d asked me three months ago I’d have said you were hitting…

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The Brick House was one of the toughest joints I ever played in ... Guys would drink and fight one another like circle saws.…

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To meet Roosevelt with all his buoyant sparkle, his iridescence, was like opening a bottle of champagne.

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The impulse to paint comes neither from observation nor from the soul (which is probably blind) but from an encounter: the encounter between painter…

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The general public have a warped view of the speed at which an investigation proceeds. They like to imagine tense conversations going on behind…

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My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her…

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The fun, joy, and humor dry up in a relationship when one of the partners is swimming in gin. To my way of thinking,…

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There is no need to put your heart in a bottle, then you will die. - Ty from Stolen

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I revere the memory of Mr. F. as an estimable man and most indulgent husband, only necessary to mention Asparagus and it appeared or…

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Bottles Quote by Jack Handey

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