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Being real Quote by Jack Handey

“I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.” quote by Jack Handey — Download Open image

“I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.”

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Being real Deep thought Guy Happiness Jerk Real Real Happy Stupid Thinking Trying Walks

More by Jack Handey

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

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I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later on, I went into Mom and Dad's…

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you…

Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

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Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!

I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is…

Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

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Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

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When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

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Explore all 358 Jack Handey quotes

More Being real quotes

Don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person because she doesn't do what you do, or think as you think or as…

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Well, I don't want to be king, I want to be real.

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Going through unknown people's profiles and judging them by their pictures is totally normal.

Pradeep Chandra

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When you are important to another person, they will always find a way to make time for you - no excuses, no lies, and…

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When you speak the truth watch the fuck niggas start hating

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I think about everyone in my life that was harsh with me or who gave me tough love and told me things that I…

Charlamagne Tha God

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Laugh at every mistakes and realize that no one is perfect. We are human. All of us are imperfect, so there's no point judging…

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Give yourself a chance to live because nobody will live it for you when you die

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You've noticed a change huh ? She doesn't text you as often . She never calls you anymore . When she does text you , she never says sweet things to you anymore . She takes her time texting you back . When you try and start an argument you can tell she really doesn't give a fuck . She…

Delaney Ridnour

I wish that one day you would finally realize that the person that is willing to love you forever is the person you are…

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..If you love her/him then why give up, nobody said love was easy and nobody said love was hard... a relationship is what you…

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I learned a tremendous amount about what was important to me as a head coach in that I was not in charge. I didn't have final say about what was going on, and I was always having to represent other people's views, and it was very difficult to be real, to be authentic, to be true because there were a…

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