Deep thought Quote by Jack Handey

“Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!”

Jack Handey

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Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

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Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…

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I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…

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Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

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Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

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When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

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Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

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I had always assumed that the right way to do it was to these engineers, put them in offices by themselves with doors that…

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The amount you give isn't important. What matters is what that amount represents in terms of your life.

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As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing…

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I never knew an early-rising, hard-working, prudent man, careful of his earnings, and strictly honest who complained of bad luck.

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The biggest battle in life is with yourself

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…

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Be bold in your caring, and be bold in your dreaming.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

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I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire.…

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

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Deep thought Quote by Jack Handey

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