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Dave Barry has 529 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
• Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
• Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
• Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
• The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of…
• 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
• The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant…
• We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it…
• The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
• The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
• Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there…
• Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

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