« All You Quotes · Dave Barry's Page
You Quotes by Dave Barry
- Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
- Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
- It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that…
- You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
- Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
- Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently…
- Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
- The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
- Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
- Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt…
- Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can…
- In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to…
- If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
- If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find…
- In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
- Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find…
More You Quotes
- Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore… — Pietro Aretino
- If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them. — Pietro Aretino
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- In Italy the censor is very old and there are many judges and psychiatrists who analyse you. — Dario Argento
- I do think the heart can balance out the mind, if your heart is in a good place it can give you… — Alexis Arguello
- I believe more in precision, when you have the capability, like when you see a mosquito fly and you're able to hit… — Alexis Arguello
- I'd take precision any day over power; as far as being tactical you know you have to see what's going on in… — Alexis Arguello
- Haiti, Haiti, the further I am from you, the less I breathe. Haiti, I love you, and I will love you always.… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- When you care about human beings, you do your best to not repress and to not let people to repress and to… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide