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Started Quotes by Jack Handey
- To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time…
- If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some…
- As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her…
- One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him…
- When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I…
- The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and…
- If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts…
- I think it's high time we started questioning the old cliches like "Grunt big for Daddy."
- If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be…
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