« All Start Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Start Quotes by Jack Handey
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant…
- I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egypt, on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, "Be sure, before…
- If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort…
- When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe.
- A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go…
- If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because…
- I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a…
- If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just…
- Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull…
- Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were…
- Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't…
- If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts…
More Start Quotes
- Whenever my pocket money fall short. I start to think my life sucks. Then I think about all those out there who… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- I don't know I really love u or not. But whenever I think about my life without u it kills me. Whenever… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Never show too much love for anyone because it creates a non curable pain when they start avoiding YOU. — Nishan Panwar
- If you meditate, sooner or later you will come upon love. If you meditate deeply, sooner or later you will start feeling… — Rajneesh
- Today we often think that before we start living a religious life we have first to accept the creedal doctrines and that… — Karen Armstrong
- Democracy is not something you put away for ten years, and then in the 11th year you wake up and start practicing… — Chinua Achebe
- Once you start appreciating life, that's when you realize how much you truly have to live for. — Jesse Joseph
- You realize yourself when you start reflecting - because I don't live in the past, although your past is so much a… — Lauren Bacall