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Once Quotes by Jack Handey
- When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a…
- Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are.
- I had dreams once. Once I wanted to build the world's longest suspension bridge. But then I found out someone else had already done it.
- I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out…
- If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once…
- After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, "Hey,…
- You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of "accidentally" brand each other every once in a while. It's their way…
- Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant,…
- Once I saw my parents argue because we didn't have a lot of money anymore. So, I did what I had to do. I got…
- Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted…
More Once Quotes
- It is in the very nature of things human that every act that has once made its appearance and has been recorded… — Hannah Arendt
- No punishment has ever possessed enough power of deterrence to prevent the commission of crimes. On the contrary, whatever the punishment, once… — Hannah Arendt
- On the field, blacks have been able to be super giants. But, once our playing days are over, this is the end… — Hank Aaron
- The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela, Colombia and… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- It is not once nor twice but times without number that the same ideas make their appearance in the world. — Aristotle
- I guess I wanted to leave America for awhile. It wasn't that I wanted to become an expatriate, or just never come… — Paul Auster
- Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives. — Richard Bach
- That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'. — Richard Armour
- The thing about punk is that there are purists. Once you start going outside of that, they don't think what you're doing… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. — Isaac Asimov
- The Steps to Folly as well as Sin are gradual, and almost imperceptible, and when we are once on the Decline, we… — Mary Astell
- Once you become predictable, no one's interested anymore. — Chet Atkins