« All I Wish Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
I Wish Quotes by Jack Handey
- I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with…
- I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
- I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be…
- I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns-regular sun and "rogue" sun. That way, when somebody asked me what time it was,…
- I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey…
- I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size,…
- I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and…
- I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was…
- I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
- I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a…
- I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not…
- I wish scientists would come up with an ear of corn that was big and round, because then when you were eating it, it'd be…
- Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real dirty windshield; so…
- I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum…
More I Wish Quotes
- I wish I had eight pairs of hands, and another body to shoot the specimens. — John James Audubon
- What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what it is. If I wish to explain it to him… — Saint Augustine
- I hate cameras. They interfere, they're always in the way. I wish: if I could work with my eyes alone. — Richard Avedon
- I wish Frank Sinatra would just shut up and sing. — Lauren Bacall
- I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are… — Michele Bachmann
- I love accents - I wish I could find an accent for every one of my characters. It makes it so much… — Amy Adams
- I wake up every morning and I wish I were dead, and so does Jim. — Tammy Faye Bakker
- I wish I could play the lead role in one movie, one great movie. — Alec Baldwin
- I didn't study Greek mythology in school and I wish I had. — Eric Bana
- I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom. — Simone de Beauvoir
- Apparently, I get facials and manicures all the time. I read this and think, 'Oh, I wish I did that!' I don't… — Kate Beckinsale
- I wish I'd been a mixed infant. — Brendan Behan