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Humorous Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
- I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
- I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
- I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
- I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
- I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
- With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
- I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a…
More Humorous Quotes
- Wit is educated insolence. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. — Aristotle
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
- I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. — Isaac Asimov
- Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all time low over the world. — Isaac Asimov
- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- Give me chastity and continence, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. — Tallulah Bankhead
- No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. — Honore de Balzac
- It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty… — Honore de Balzac
- Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. — Douglas Adams