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Funny Inspirational Quotes by Phyllis Diller
- Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
- We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down…
More Funny Inspirational Quotes
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people. — Mary Kay Ash
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
- We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. — Wystan Hugh Auden
- Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. — Richard Bach
- I'm not a driven businessman, but a driven artist. I never think about money. Beautiful things make money. — Lord Acton
- The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. — Lucille Ball
- Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? — Roseanne Barr
- The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. — Dave Barry
- It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. — Dave Barry
- We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. — Milton Berle
- In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. — Yogi Berra