Funny Inspirational Quotes

344 quotes by 248 authors

Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people. — Mary Kay Ash
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. — Wystan Hugh Auden
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. — Richard Bach
I'm not a driven businessman, but a driven artist. I never think about money. Beautiful things make money. — Lord Acton
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. — Lucille Ball
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? — Roseanne Barr
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. — Dave Barry
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. — Dave Barry
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. — Milton Berle
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. — Yogi Berra
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. — Yogi Berra
The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget, but a pessimist forgets to laugh. — Tom Bodett
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. — Erma Bombeck
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? — Erma Bombeck
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. — Erma Bombeck
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. — Napoleon Bonaparte
Victory belongs to the most persevering. — Napoleon Bonaparte
Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and… — Matthew Broderick

Who Wrote These Funny Inspirational Quotes

248 authors contributed a total of 344 Funny Inspirational Quotes, led by these top contributors: