Best Funny Inspirational Words
344 Funny Inspirational quotes by 248 unique authors
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A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.
— H. L. Mencken
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People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the…
— Elayne Boosler
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You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one.
— Jay Leno
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How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?
— Rita Rudner
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
— Rita Rudner
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Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog.
— Damon Hill
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Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'... but first, you…
— Dennis Miller
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Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.
— Mark Twain
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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
— Woody Allen
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The history of the world is the history of a few men who had faith in themselves
— Swami Vivekananda
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If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
— Edsger Dijkstra
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Software sucks because users demand it to.
— Nathan Myhrvold
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When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.
— Alan Perlis
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Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.
— Donald Knuth
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Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare.
— Harriet Martineau
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A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery.
— Morris Bender
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The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive.
— Kenneth Williams
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To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
— Unknown Author
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When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.
— H. W. L. Poonja
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Funny women are honest women.
— Elizabeth Meriwether
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She watched the first episode and she was like, 'This is feminism?' And then by the end of the season, she was like, 'This is…
— Allison Williams
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Never abandon your dreams. You may regret it for the rest of your life.
— Fabiola Gianotti
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I've tried many different types of alarm apps, but the tried and true is the iPhone alarm. I like it because you can label your…
— Savannah Guthrie
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Every sweet, humble young model is only one campaign away from becoming a fashion monster.
— Coco Rocha
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Make [food] simple and let things taste of what they are.
— Curnonsky
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Who Wrote These Funny Inspirational Quotes
248 authors contributed a total of 344 Funny Inspirational Quotes, led by these top contributors: