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Funny Quotes by Erma Bombeck
- Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
- A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no.…
- My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares.…
- Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
- Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
- Never have more children than you have car windows.
- My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- When humor goes, there goes civilization.
- I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
- For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties…
- People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll…
- Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
- The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
- Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
- All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
- A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
- Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
- In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
- Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him…
- The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada…
- Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
- No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
More Ways to Read Funny Quotes by Erma Bombeck
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin