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From Quotes by Erma Bombeck
- I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
- In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
- Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out…
- No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there…
- My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
- Never accept a drink from a urologist.
- Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went…
- I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
- I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will…
- Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children…
- When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the…
- I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
- I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The…
- Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility…
- Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on…
- Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make…
- I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on…
- Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on…
- Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
- I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part…
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- From heresy, frenzy and jealousy, good Lord deliver me. — Ludovico Ariosto
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