Erma Bombeck Quotes
262 quotes
in 3098 categories
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,…
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no.…
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares.…
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life…
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they…
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are…
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
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