Best Erma Bombeck Wisdom
- I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on… Anger
- People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no… Ago
- I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. All
- Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Inspirational
- Housework can kill you if done right. Chores
- I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food Cooking
- Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. All
- It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's… Bitter
- Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on… Burned
- I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it.… Directions
- Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on… Any
- Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises. Bit
- Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! All
- Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. Chores
- Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage. Brain
- Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick. Inspirational
- We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're… Attache
- When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. Become Wild
- Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. Birth
- As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her. Actually Believed
- Laugh now, cry later. Cry
- The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to… Billion
- She's as funny as a toothache Funny
- A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. Fun
- Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at… Across
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