All Erma Bombeck Quotes
- I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell. Inspirational
- Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives. Drivers
- A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect. Accept
- A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up. Age
- One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies. All
- He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into… Afraid
- It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners. Communication
- Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for… Beings
- It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. Car
- Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are… Adults
- Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold… Amount
- Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises. Bit
- I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but… Alone
- All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. All
- Kitchen wisdom: Count your blessings but count your calories too. Blessings
- The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money,… All
- Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for what! All
- Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. Anybody
- VThere is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. Arrive
- Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from… Arizona
- Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill Ambulances
- Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~Hans Christian Anderson When I stand before God at the end… Anderson
- A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriendand he's a priest. Boyfriend
- No One Diets on Thanksgiving. What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one… Aside
- When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,… Bit