Best Erma Bombeck Thoughts
- It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job. Approaching
- I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself. Children
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Chain
- What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself? Bikini
- To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. American
- Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them… Buns
- When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name… Always Smile
- Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever. Carpet
- If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair. Around Naked
- My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's… Almost Pure
- I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky. Air Travel
- Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. Air Travel
- The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our… America
- Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights… Babies
- We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship… Across
- People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal. Claim
- The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. Born
- Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met. Crocodiles
- Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. Awake
- A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not… Amused
- Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make… Act
- With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. Accompany
- One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.. Appears
- Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League. Bake
- Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one. Daughter
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