Best Erma Bombeck Words
- If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the… Assist
- You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates. American
- What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give. Give
- If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break… Anyone
- ... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned… Always Order
- I used everything you gave me. Gave
- Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children… Adults
- When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the… All
- No One Diets on Thanksgiving. Diets
- I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment. Family
- . . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live… Another Shot
- I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a… Arch
- Do I have to use my own money? Funny
- The grass is always greener over the septic tank. Always Greener
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Glance
- I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The… Articles
- The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother… Anxiety
- You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home. Ask
- Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who… All
- I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill. Ambulance
- One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone. American
- When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the… Crack
- The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and… Cheetah
- I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a… Behind
- If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago. Ago
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