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Football Quotes by Dennis Miller
- Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry…
- Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.
- That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.
- I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun.
- With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound'…
- The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
- Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.
- I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference.
- Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!
- The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.
- That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
- The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.
- I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
- That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.
- Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.
- Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!
- He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.
- Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?
- Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four…
- Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.
- When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.
- Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'
- That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.
- That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So…
- Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
More Ways to Read Football Quotes by Dennis Miller
More Football Quotes
- I would definitely say the Oakland Raiders are the punk rock band of football. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- If you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on. — Lance Armstrong
- I was born in the Ottawa General Hospital right after the Gray Cup Football Game in 1939. Six months later, I was… — Margaret Atwood
- Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. — Dave Barry
- The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. — Dave Barry
- I played football when I was little. I didn't want to be an actress at all, I wanted to be a majorette… — Emmanuelle Beart
- My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7. — David Beckham
- Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this… — David Beckham
- My private life is perfect. If your private life and your life outside football is good, then it is good on the… — David Beckham
- There's room for boys' and girls' football in the world-that's what I believe. — David Beckham
- With United, we'd all grown up together, we all wanted to win the biggest trophy in football. We did it togther. — David Beckham
- I don't know much about football. I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing about football. — Victoria Beckham