All Dennis Miller Quotes
- The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. Found
- And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's… Any
- You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. Begins
- My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before… Acceleration
- Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate… Bases
- Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'... but first, you… Chance
- In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to… All
- There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim. Around Common
- And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in… Abortion
- I rant, therefore I am Funny
- After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both… Bathroom
- Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry… Big
- Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians. Alaska
- That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong. Annabel
- I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun. Anyone
- With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound'… All
- The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop. Behind
- Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar. Bar
- I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference. Alan
- Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! Call