Best Dennis Miller Lines
- I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports… Always Think
- Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge. All
- The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. American
- The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board. American
- You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven. Bad
- I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just… Comedian
- What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason… Articles
- A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a… Amongst
- President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which… Address
- What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on… Aw
- Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was. Cool
- A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods. Build
- When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look… Booger
- Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. All
- I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do… Captains
- Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and they don't get… Actual
- Never have lives less lived been more chronicled. Been
- The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country. Becoming
- I lapsed into rude. Into
- Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer. Thousand
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the… Asked
- A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made… Error
- Just put down 9-11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of… Conservative
- I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the… Adjective
More Ways to Read Dennis Miller Quotes
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