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Best First Quotes by Jack Handey
26 First quotes by Jack Handey
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Jack Handey has 402 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me and I…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the car -…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then…
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Popular First quotes from across the collection:
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No punishment has ever possessed enough power of deterrence to prevent the commission of crimes. On the contrary, whatever the punishment, once…
— Hannah Arendt
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The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela, Colombia and…
— Jean-Bertrand Aristide
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The first time Haiti had free and fair democratic elections was 1990, when I was elected.
— Jean-Bertrand Aristide
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I am lucky, I'm the first to admit that.
— J. J. Abrams
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Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others.
— Aristotle
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For though we love both the truth and our friends, piety requires us to honor the truth first.
— Aristotle
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He who is to be a good ruler must have first been ruled.
— Aristotle
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In making a speech one must study three points: first, the means of producing persuasion; second, the language; third the proper arrangement…
— Aristotle
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Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.
— Richard Armour
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The first time that you escape from home or the small town that you live in - there's a reason a small…
— Billie Joe Armstrong
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For some young people, their first experience ever hearing punk rock music was playing the Green Bay Packers on 'Madden'.
— Billie Joe Armstrong
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Ironically, the first thing that appealed to me about Islam was its pluralism. The fact that the Koran praises all the great…
— Karen Armstrong
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