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Aleck Quotes by Jack Handey
1 Aleck quote by Jack Handey
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Jack Handey has 402 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me and I…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the car -…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then…
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More Aleck Quotes
Popular Aleck quotes from across the collection:
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If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That…
— Jack Handey
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I reckon I am a smart aleck, but it is just a way to pass the time.
— Robert Penn Warren
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I've never progressed very far from my days as a smart aleck in middle school.
— Carl Hiaasen
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When I seemed to be irritable or sad, my father would quote the learned Dr. Knight, and then say, 'Just go to…
— Ben Stein
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Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.
— James Patterson
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I blame Jeb for letting you be such a smart aleck.” I stared at her. “I blame you for altering my DNA!…
— James Patterson
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[Janco] paused. His eyes held a distant gleam as if seeing into his past. 'My first practice was a shock. I was…
— Maria V. Snyder
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Hmph," said Sharon . "Did you know that the numbers three and seven are sacred to vampires? There are seven vampire sects."…
— Michele Bardsley
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During history class, our teacher asked a classmate: Do you know Rizal? Our smart aleck classmate answered, Maam, not personally.
— Unknown Author
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