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Abridged Quotes by Dave Barry
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Dave Barry has 529 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
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Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
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Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
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The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of…
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
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The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant…
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We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it…
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
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Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there…
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Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
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More Abridged Quotes
Popular Abridged quotes from across the collection:
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At each increase of knowledge, as well as on the contrivance of every new tool, human labour becomes abridged.
— Charles Babbage
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There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
— Dave Barry
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Some of us find our lives abridged even before the paperback comes out.
— Berkeley Breathed
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The civil rights of none, shall be abridged on account of religious belief or worship, nor shall any national religion be established,…
— James Madison
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Every abridgement of a good book is a fool abridged.
— Michel de Montaigne
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All... natural rights may be abridged or modified in [their] exercise by law.
— Thomas Jefferson
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Many a long dispute among divines may be thus abridged: It is so; It is not so. It is so; it is…
— Benjamin Franklin
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Before any man can be considered as a member of Civil Society, he must be considered as a subject of the Governour…
— James Madison
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In the index to the six hundred odd pages of Arnold Toynbee's A Study of History, abridged version, the names of Copernicus,…
— Arthur Koestler
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Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account…
— Alice Paul
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Wherever the title of streets and parks may rest, they have immemorially been held in trust for the use of the public…
— Jason Epstein
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By the laws of rectitude accused Persons, however atrocious their offences, are allowed to make their defence, and by a verdict of…
— Judith Sargent Murray
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