All Phyllis Diller Quotes
- The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. Baby
- My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. Always Felt
- Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed! Appointment
- It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months. Bed
- It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister. Find
- It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser. Blow
- I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. Central
- I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies. Anchovies
- I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. Dog
- I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. Angeles
- He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers. Appointment
- For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move. Bed
- Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given… Blood
- Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. Competition
- Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves. Always Fighting
- Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush. Comb
- This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you… Buy
- Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have. Gold
- The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day. Common
- I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best. Best
- Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it. Inspirational
- My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car. Ankle
- Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn. Damn
- We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . . All
- In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was… Drivers