All Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
- You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. Eat
- It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. Drop
- Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. Family
- Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic, Ends
- People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. Bump
- I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I get up and… Addicted
- Men want to make women happy. Happy
- Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night.… All
- I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just… Excuse
- I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know… Along
- Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous… Amount
- Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it. Amusing
- I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people. Attributed
- We know the product is going to stink. We know that because we live in the world, and we know that everything stinks. We all… All
- I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains on your cloths… Ads
- There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is on track. Family
- Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle. Comic
- Celebrity is no different from any other energy. It's a force for good or evil. It's no different from money. It's power. Any
- A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. Babies
- You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' Birthday