All Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
- It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Amazing
- Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Care
- I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the… Always Leads
- The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! Funny
- Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. Beginner
- Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all… All
- To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. Boils
- Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. Age
- That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. Christmas
- A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Book
- There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Children
- Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. Accept
- Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. Less
- You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Alive
- People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. Deserve
- I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. Delicate
- I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu. Ems
- I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't… Desk
- My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. Comedy
- Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will… Any