All Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
- I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings Consider
- Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters. Cent
- I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? Alphabet
- Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No… Amazing
- I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You… Acting
- Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? All
- To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information. Full
- A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke… From
- I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist. Artist
- A lot of stuff I do out of pure obsessiveness. Obsessiveness
- My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time. All
- Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. Certain
- Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. Actually Begin
- It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. Comedy
- Stand-up is hard. Hard
- I like definitive things. Definitive
- Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game. Decision
- There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. Advice
- What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there… All
- A two-year old is like having a blender. only u have no top for it. Blender