All Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
- When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it. Affected
- You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. All
- There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think,… Advice
- I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped. Audience
- If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years. Bad
- Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death. Already Proven
- Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box. Attention
- Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat. Baseball
- The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car… Car
- The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing… Always Wanted
- We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in… All
- Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me. Been
- You can be passionate about anything. Funny
- The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from… Beatles
- Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And… All
- I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm… Article
- The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army… Army
- If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Book
- Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to… Better
- Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's ripping your ticket… Adulthood
- Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst. Elaine
- When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard. Heard
- What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its… Bodies
- What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you… Book
- You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day Day