All Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
- What the hell, I'll just eat some trash. Eat
- Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? Good
- Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour. Dinner
- The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on… All
- Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise. Compared
- The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it. Beer
- I love being a dad. I just love it. Dad
- Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he… Arrives
- Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex. Always Trade
- I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all that it should… All
- You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the… Coffee
- What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing? Dating
- I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy, don't know what… Afternoon
- So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle, and you think to yourself, 'What… Eat
- If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. Every Instinct
- People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public. Allowed
- Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body. Body
- Any day you had gym class was a weird school day. It started off normal. You had English, Social Studies, Geometry, then suddenly your in… Any
- What causes homophobia? What is it that makes the heterosexual man worry about this? I think it's because deep down all men know that we… Accidentally
- To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our… All