“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a paperweight, for people whose writing isn’t as dense or weighty as mine. ” — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“I wanted to make her a greeting card, but as far as I got was folding the paper in half. I left… — Jarod Kintz Greeting card Copy Share Image
“I can’t remember the last time I had fun. Wait, yes I can. It was 1989, and I was wearing a t-shirt… — Jarod Kintz Last time Copy Share Image
“I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%.” — Jarod Kintz Relationship Copy Share Image
“Any advice I might give a depressed person comes in the form of cyanide, and usually is a bit hard for them… — Jarod Kintz Depressed person Copy Share Image
“Most people wear mind blindfolds. I think that’s stupid. I wear blindfolds over my eyes.” — Jarod Kintz Psychology Copy Share Image
“Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’m an only child, so logically I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me they wouldn’t be parents… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“I put the hop in IHOP, and jumped on my pan of pancakes and then on to Panama. That’s standard government issued… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I retired at the age of 25, and it wasn’t until a few days later that I realized that in order to… — Jarod Kintz First time Copy Share Image
“If I were to assign a color combination to my love for you, it would be purple and brown, because you are… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Seeing a brightly-colored box, I asked, What’s that? She said nothing. So I said, “Ah, so that’s what silence looks like, huh?” ” — Jarod Kintz Silence Copy Share Image
“My writing, it’s all I have. Well, aside from my health. And shelter, food, and clothing. Oh, and my cat.” — Jarod Kintz Health Copy Share Image
“Oh, look, there are jobs available in Jacksonville! Today there are two jobs for me and 1.2 million other people in this… — Jarod Kintz Part time Copy Share Image
“The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to… — Jarod Kintz Middle age Copy Share Image
“I’m one washing machine away from throwing in the towel. But I’m not a quitter. I’m also out of laundry detergent.” — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“I am Helen Keller, and so are all my senses. Now that is complete nonsense!” — Jarod Kintz Helen Keller Copy Share Image
“By the time I tell you to start doing something, it’s time for you to stop listening and start doing. Especially if… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“Dipping my sticky glove into the bowl, I grabbed a handful of fingers. That’s five, if you’re counting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I stabbed the intruder with a knife. How else was I supposed to cut him into bite-sized pieces?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
