“Factor in the fact that factories should only hire people they make themselves, I believe, and you can see why I want… — Jarod Kintz Sands of time Copy Share Image
“I love in all directions, except southeast. Don’t ask me why, because I already told you where. Also, don’t ask me who,… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s… — Jarod Kintz Fire Copy Share Image
“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet… — Jarod Kintz Sleep Copy Share Image
“Love is two smiles shared between two people. Or two smiles and a smirk, shared between one couple and a jerk. Or… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I know that man started animal husbandry thousands of years ago, and I think it’s disgusting. Men and animals should never be… — Jarod Kintz Animals Copy Share Image
“The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Ask my mustache anything you want, and my mouth will answer for it. And after the question and answer session, my right… — Jarod Kintz Right hand Copy Share Image
“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“I need to work smarter, harder, faster, and longer than you. And if I still don't come out in front, then simply… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put a basketball hoop in the trees, to help the squirrels and give them a nice net to store their nuts… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We had some good fun together, didn’t we? That’s why I’m sorry to say I’m going to have to kill you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Come buy from me what you could rent elsewhere. Like a Like button or a wiggly wrench—or donuts that yesterday would have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m running late. But that’s OK, because I’m wearing Nikes.” — Jarod Kintz Running late Copy Share Image
“I hear phonetically on the phone. Toiletries sounds like toilet trees to me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
