“One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“When I was two, a year was half of my life. It must have felt like forever. But when I’m 99, a… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only… — Jarod Kintz Gift Giver Copy Share Image
“Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is orange, though sometimes it will make you blue. You might see that as depressing, but I see it as a… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Salmon swim against my stream of consciousness.” — Jarod Kintz Stream of consciousness Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to build structures that homosapiens can live in and engage in homosexuality in. Crazy, right? Well, it is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m growing my hair out. Out of the country, because it’s cheaper to grow it in China.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to illustrate the seriousness of the situation. You’ll know I’m not playing when I display a brick.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When people change, I’m disappointed they’re not who I remember them being. And when people don’t change, I’m disappointed they still are… — Jarod Kintz People change Copy Share Image
“100% of half the people I talked to agreed with me a quarter of the time.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to… — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I am Orafoura and he is me. And he is not me. And I am not me. Or him. And I am… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When I was young, I was 13 going on 31. Then when I was 30 going on 31, I was 30 going… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“His first name is Brooks, but his last name isn’t. His last name is Wrinkled, unlike his shirt (he isn’t wearing one).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones. ” — Jarod Kintz Sexiest Man Copy Share Image
“I talked to him on Christmas, and again on March 5th. Neither one of us hung up the phone that whole time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“-I have this friend—you don’t know him—but— -Is his name Molloway? -No. -Oh. I don’t know anybody named Molloway, so that’s why… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.” — Jarod Kintz Restraining order Copy Share Image
“The woman of my dreams was tired. The woman of my dreams always lets me sleep in. The woman of my dreams… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
