Best George Carlin Proverbs
- We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing Funny
- You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala. Cocksucker
- The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage. Behind
- Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. Bees
- Religion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a while, and it… Ask
- Christians worship a dead Jew on a stick Christian
- I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment… Adventure
- For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have… Atheist
- If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in? Alive
- Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? Give
- Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying. Baseball
- I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from. Accepted
- Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes. Ask
- A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt Belt
- I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius. Age
- You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork.… Accept
- We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up… Added
- The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are… Bagel
- Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy… America
- When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers… America
- There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better. Don't… All
- Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine! Bandages
- Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no… All
- Their only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth. Afraid
- I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious. Eat
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