Best George Carlin Sayings
- When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it… Candle
- Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense! Common
- I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow. American
- You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up. Blow
- If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play? Baseball
- No one knows what's next, but everybody does it. Doe
- If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor. Endeavor
- Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, "You… Cocksucker
- As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is. Hero
- If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball. Comedy
- If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party. Cat
- I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions. Follow
- Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it. Alas
- I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook. Any
- Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter. Beethoven
- Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr. Autographs
- God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile. Bless
- I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade. Bottle
- One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired. All
- If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was? Ability
- Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Been
- In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. America
- Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live… Age
- One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict. Addict
- No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it. Able
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