“I believe in the baby Jesus, and I believe he is handsome and lives in the sky with his pet cow. I… — Augusten Burroughs Change things Copy Share Image
I'm not going to waste my energy looking into the eyes of someone like the guy who blew my legs off trying… — Augusten Burroughs Energy Copy Share Image
My parents had this relationship that was really terrifying. I mean, the level of hatred that they had, and the level of… — Augusten Burroughs Abuse Copy Share Image
If you believe suicide will bring you peace, or at the very least just an end to everything you hate- you are… — Augusten Burroughs Able Copy Share Image
With my own memoirs, they are truthful, and I write everything fully expecting to some day end up televised on Court TV,… — Augusten Burroughs Challenged Copy Share Image
Tracy, the leader of the CDH group, looks at me with eyes that seem to belong to someone three times her age.… — Augusten Burroughs Age Copy Share Image
“Now I can add prostitute to my list of life's accomplishments.” — Augusten Burroughs Life Copy Share Image
The truth about not having everything you need, not being fully equipped or qualified or allowed is that these limits are the… — Augusten Burroughs Creative Copy Share Image
“He likes people because he likes to share in conversations. I like people when they have large checks for me.” — Augusten Burroughs Communication Copy Share Image
“I wish Rick would be gang-raped by a bunch of Muslim garbage collectors.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“How could something have no end, and if it had no end exactly where did it leave us?” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
It was unnerving, the way she could go from cool efficiency to sarcastic to sweet within the space of thirty seconds. I… — Augusten Burroughs Efficiency Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a… — Augusten Burroughs Bird Copy Share Image
After was better. Before was only there so After could happen. — Augusten Burroughs Happens Copy Share Image
your mind is like an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone. — Augusten Burroughs Community Copy Share Image
Long marriages have ended in ruin over tiny and insignificant grievances that were never properly aired and instead grew into a brittle… — Augusten Burroughs Barnacles Copy Share Image
For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray [sic] days where eight in… — Augusten Burroughs Alive Copy Share Image
Throwing things horrified me. I suffered extreme, paralyzing anxiety when it came to anything remotely athletic. I wouldn't even run to catch… — Augusten Burroughs Anxiety Copy Share Image
“I slipped on a turtleneck, laughing when my head became stuck in the turtle part. If they weren't called turtlenecks, I wouldn't… — Augusten Burroughs Childhood Copy Share Image
“Six hours later, when I returned, I was greeted at the door- and this before it was even opened -by the overpowering… — Augusten Burroughs Next door Copy Share Image
“I wanted to shove her typewriter on the floor. I hated it and I hated her. I wanted to be a Cosby.” — Augusten Burroughs Random-funny Copy Share Image
“It is astonishingly satisfying to look at him and think Closet Case, and know he can read my mind as he looks… — Augusten Burroughs Psychology Copy Share Image
“As I sat on the midnight PVTA bus to Amherst, I scanned the male faces, looking for a potential boyfriend. My standards… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
