Player Quote by Anthony Jeselnik

“Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.”

Anthony Jeselnik

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I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it up in my persona. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do stand-up for a career if I was needy. I didn't want to be complaining or whining onstage. I wanted to be cool and…

Anthony Jeselnik

I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I…

Anthony Jeselnik

I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.

Anthony Jeselnik

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About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show. So I met with a late night joke writer and he told me that I should start by doing stand-up comedy, because that would really hone my sense of humor and joke writing ability. Eventually I…

Anthony Jeselnik

When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.

Anthony Jeselnik

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I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could…

Anthony Jeselnik

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I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.

Anthony Jeselnik

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I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played…

Anthony Jeselnik

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I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but…

Anthony Jeselnik

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I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Thinking about the things that happened, I don't know any other ball player would could have done what he (Jackie Robinson) did. To be able to hit with everybody yelling at him. He had to block all that out, block out everything but this ball that is coming in at a hundred miles an hour and he's got a split…

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