When you hear a lobby called Partnership for a Drug-Free America, just remember - they do not want a drug free America.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I believe only foreigners should run for president...Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Well, that's exactly the wrong attitude. That is not the attitude they had in World War II. You're attitude is that freedom… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Hollywood executives are, like, ‘We’re not racist, we just have to pretend to be racists because we’re capitalists. We want to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People on the right say to people like me, Oh, you hate America. And I always say, No, I love America. I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm more likely to not invite someone back for not talking. If someone talks a lot, I can usually shut them up… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I want you teabaggers out there to understand one thing: while you idolize the Founding Fathers and dress up like them, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Being a conservative also used to involve the concept of people being free to do whatever they want to do, as long… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Nobody in America who wants pot has any trouble getting it, so maybe that's why we aren't seeing support for legalization. People… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be f**king stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, 'I want to help you get teeth.' Why does… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I just don't see why anybody would vote Republican in the Army. If you want to support the troops, if I was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
What is with this campy fixation on all things Ronald Reagan? They talk about him the way gay people talk about Barbra… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Tt just seems to be human nature to seem to want to posit in another human being, qualities that you must know,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The American people don't really care what side of an issue you're on. They just don't want you to act like a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
