Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.'… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It was reported today that former Governor Howard Dean raised $14 million dollars in campaign funds mostly over the Internet. Of course,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It was reported today that the machine on board the International Space Station that turns urine into drinking water has been fixed.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In a speech today, President Obama said that Michelle Obama is very strong and talented and she frequently tells him that he… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
This is really hard to do but I'd like to change the tone now and briefly mention today's terrible tragedy in France.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It was reported today that U.S. military bases will not show 'Brokeback Mountain.' However, during interrogations, U.S. troops will continue to show… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
