My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow... he wasn't evil or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It's going to be hard… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let's hope so. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Children live in the only successful Marxist state ever created: the family. 'From each according to his ability, to each according to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
