I did all this stuff that was illegal when I was a kid. I drank beer when I was 15. I smoked… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My son wouldn't go get heroin. If he did or didn't, it wouldn't have anything to do with whether it was legal… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
